Random Thoughts From The Dark Side of the Universe

How to Make a Martha Stewart Christmas Wreath (I Hate That Woman!)

2010-12-17T12:40:00.001-05:00

This all started when I was watching a special on television about making your own Christmas decorations ~ if I had known Martha Stewart was going to be on it, you can bet I would not have watched it! However, I watched and fell in love with the wreath she made and have actually made it several times. I decided to share how to make one with you ~ complete with pictures and step by step instructions.

Ingredients:

One live 22" wreath of your choice - mine is Frasier Fir

A crap ton of real cranberries

Sewing Needle

Thread - Does not matter what color but it should be heavy duty such as coat thread

At least 10' of the ribbon style of your choice - make sure it is a contrasting color so the cranberries will show up

Several 12" long "flexible crafting wire" ~ you know, the stuff we used to refer to as "Pipe Cleaners" (the Politically Correct stuff has really gone way too far) or floral wire

Soap and water

Plenty of the beverage of your choice - no further comment is needed

Optional Spray
Optional Go-Jo

Step One: Pour a large glass, cup, bottle of the beverage of your choice and drink all of it.

Step Two: Pour another large glass, cup, bottle of the beverage of your choice and set aside to use as necessary. You may repeat this step as often as necessary.

Step Three: Wrap the ribbon around the wreath, starting at what you deem to be the bottom of the wreath and attach the ends with a few stitches of thread.

Wreath with Ribbon

Step Three: Take a few slugs of your beverage of choice.

Step Four: String a gazillion cranberries using needle and thread. NOTE: DO NOT cut the string from the thread dispenser; keep sliding the cranberries down the string until you have a gazillion on the uncut string. This will take several hours, lots of thread. Be sure to string more that you think could possible go around the wreath ~ it is easier to take more off than to add them. Feel free to drink as much of the beverage of your choice while you are doing this ~ trust me you will need it!

Step Five: After you have strung the gazillion cranberries, cut the string from the dispenser, leaving a very long trail of string you will also need a very long trail of string at the other end.

Step Six: Wash the sticky red crap off your fingers with soap and water.

Step Seven: If desired, have a snack (or meal) and drink more of your beverage of your choice ~ you will need it for the next step.

Step Eight: Start wrapping the cranberries from what you deemed to be the bottom in Step Three around the center of your ribbon. If you are feeling brave and/or stressed out during this process, please feel free to take slugs of your beverage of choice while making sure the cranberries do not slip off the ends nor from what you have wrapped around the wreath thus far.

Step Nine: Once you have wrapped the cranberries all the way around your wreath, remove the excess cranberries from your string, cutting the string at various places as needed. Tie off the ends of the thread several times to avoid breakage of the string when it is hung.

Step Ten: Wash the sticky red crap and pine sap off your hands using soap and water, optional Go-Jo is helpful in removing the pine sap.

Step Eleven: Have more of the beverage of your choice

I forgot to take a picture of the wreath after I wrapped the cranberries around, but I certainly did not forget lots of the beverage of my choice when I was finished!

Step Twelve: Attach the Optional Spray using PIPE CLEANERS or using floral wire.


Wreath with Optional Spray Attached ~ I used PIPE CLEANERS

Step Thirteen: Wash your hands to remove more pine sap, using soap and water and the optional Go-Jo.

Step Fourteen: If you need more of the beverage of your choice, go for it.

Step Fifteen: One Optional Ingredient I forgot to add ~ Heavy Duty Contractor Bag(s).

You will need these for the body of the person you killed in the process of making your wreath.

Step Sixteen: Make your puffy bow using the same ribbon you used to wrap around the wreath in Step Three or if you are lucky, there will be matching pre-made puffy bows where you bought your ribbon ~ yeah, good luck with that one. Anyway, make your puffy bow. NOTE: You will likely need more of the beverage of your choice during this process.

My puffy bow ~ I used a flashlight with a handle for my third hand

Step Seventeen: Attach your puffy bow between the wreath and the spray. Using either floral wire of PIPE CLEANERS, make a loop on the back at the top of the wreath and hang on your door.

FINALLY!

I took me five hours to make this, but I have made this wreath several times. The first one will take much longer. Once you have the finished product done, you will also hate Martha Stewart just as much as I do (that woman needs to be slapped).

You should note, it hurts when you poke your fingers with the sewing needle; it hurts even worse it you hold the needle in your mouth and poke your tongue (not that I would do something like that). Raw cranberries do not taste very good. You may use lots of words not appropriate for little ears, nor for your mother to hear ~ however, if your mother should ever make one, trust me, she will understand the use of those words and may use some of them herself.

It is also wise to dispose of the Heavy Duty Contractor Bag(s) in the woods far, far away from your house in the woods at night.

One additional note, by the time you are finished you may have consumed WAY too much of the beverage of your choice.

I Am Sad Today

2010-03-21T18:03:00.000-04:00

As I sit here watching C-Span and flipping to other news channels intermittently, it really saddens me to see how far people can regress. Whether a fan or foe of the current health care debate, the violence that is beginning, the racial slurs, the homophobic slurs and the like are so deeply disturbing to me.

Yes, I can turn my television off, watch something else, exercise, whatever. But that would be just sticking my head in the sand. It is not going to stop what everyone else is doing. Grin and ignore it just will not suffice. I understand anger; I have my own anger over many things. However, there are healthier ways to deal with anger without violence or hatred.....

Would there really be all this anger, hatred and even a debate over health care if we really, really took responsibility for ourselves? No, we do not choose to get sick or have life-threatening diseases, but we still have to take responsibility for ourselves and our own health.

I am overweight. I did not get this way because of what my government has or has not done. I did not get this way because Burger King, McDonalds and Hardees serve unhealthy food. I did not get this way because I do not make X-number of dollars. I got this way because of the choices I freely made. And, as a result of my choices, I have high cholesterol, I am at risk for heart disease and a host of other problems I have not developed.... yet. No one has forced me to make the choices I have made. I did that completely on my own.

Oh, and I smoke. Which I know will lead to other health problems if I do not quit. Of course, I can blame the tobacco industry for "getting me" addicted, but that is not the truth. I continue to smoke, knowing the risks and consequences, above and beyond my addiction.

I am responsible for me and my health alone. I came to SparkPeople in an effort to find a diet that works. Unless I am willing to change and become responsible for me and my own health, no diet, no medication, no doctor, no hospital can ever get me healthy; not even SparkPeople.

What I have found is that I can choose to make small changes to become healthy and I am working on that every day. I make choices as to what and when I put certain things into my body. I make choices as to whether I am going to sit in front of my computer or television. I am in charge of my health and health care and it starts with me.

Eat only that which is healthy. If you cannot picture it in it's natural state as a plant, it is probably safe to say, don't eat it. Or, if it was made IN a plant (factory) don't eat it. If you do not keep the ingredients on the label in your pantry or refrigerator, don't eat it. Is it made by nature or by a scientist in a lab? Do not even get me started on the artifical sweetener poisons such as Splenda, Equal.... you are killing yourself and creating more health problems than you ever could imagine if you keep using that poison.... another blog for another day....

Getting healthy, eating healthy and staying healthy is really a matter of common sense. If we continue to put foreign food-like substances into our bodies rather than real, wholesome food; if we continue to sit on the couch, laying in bed, being still; we will continue to be unhealthy and we will continue to be reliant on our government, our broken health care system and the like.

We make our choices for ourselves. No one makes them for us. We either choose to be healthy or we choose to be sick. There is no in-between. It is just that simple.

Claims and Facts About Genetic Engineering

2010-03-16T15:38:00.000-04:00

The marketing of genetic engineering inspires visions of perfect health, long life, and miracle foods. The reality is that these claims are often completely unsubstantiated and sometimes simply wrong.

Claim: Genetic engineering is necessary to feed the world.
Fact: Hunger in the world is caused by poverty, by the simple inability to buy food, not by lack of supply.

Claim: Genetic engineering will help developing countries.
Fact: Biotech companies patent their seeds. To protect their investment, the farmers that use the seed sign a contract which prohibits saving, reselling, or exchanging seed. The family farms of the poorer nations depend on saved seed for survival. Biotech companies also patent other people's seeds, like basmati rice, neem, and quinoa, taking advantage of indigenous knowledge and centuries of selective breeding by small farmers without giving anything in return. The same companies, backed by the U.S. government, proposed to protect their seed patents through the terminator technology. A terminator seed will grow, but the seeds it produces are sterile. Any nation that buys such seeds will swiftly lose any vestige of agricultural self-sufficiency. Furthermore, genetically engineered seeds are designed for agribusiness farming, not for the capabilities of the small family farms of the developing nations. How are they to buy and distribute the required chemical inputs?

Claim: Genetic engineering will reduce the use of herbicides.
Fact: Genetic engineering develops crops with resistance to specific herbicides. For example, Roundup Ready(tm) crops survive spraying with RoundUp(tm). On the one hand, this allows the farmer to use more herbicide. On the other hand, this leads to herbicide-resistant weeds.

Claim: Genetic engineering will reduce the use of pesticides.
Fact: This claim is based on the sowing of crops genetically engineered to produce their own pesticides. Such crops produce the pesticide continuously in every cell. Some of these crops (the Bt potato, for example) are actually classified as pesticides by the EPA. The net outcome of sowing pesticide-producing crops is an vast increase in pesticides.

Claim: Genetic engineering is environmentally friendly.
Fact: The increased quantities of herbicides and pesticides noted above is one strike against this claim. Pollen from genetically engineered crops can be transferred to cultivated and wild relatives over a mile away. This threatens the future of organic crops. It can pass herbicide resistance genes from GE crops to weedy relatives, necessitating the development of more herbicides. Also, the huge areas of genetically identical crops will influence the evolution of local pests and wildlife, and through the food chain, the whole ecology.

Claim: Genetically engineered foods are just like natural foods.
Fact: There is no natural mechanism for getting insect DNA into potatoes or flounder DNA into tomatoes. Genetically engineered foods are engineered to be different from natural foods. Why else all the patents? This claim is empty sales talk.

Claim: Genetic engineering is simply an extension of traditional crossbreeding.
Fact: Crossbreeding cannot transfer genes across species barriers. Genetic engineering transfers genes between species that could never be crossbred. Also, crossbreeding lets nature manage the delicate activity of combining the DNA of the parents to form the DNA of the child. Genetic engineering shoots the new gene into the host organism without reference to any holistic principle at all.

Claim: Genetic engineering is safe.
Fact: Safety comes from accumulated experience. In the case of genetic engineering, there has not been the time or the public debate essential for accumulating sufficient experience to justify any broad claim to safety.

There is a vast domain of ignorance at the root of the technology:

The technique for inserting a DNA fragment is sloppy, unpredictable and imprecise.
The effect of the insertion on the biochemistry of the host organism is unknown.
The effect of the genetically engineered organism on the environment is unknown.
The effect of eating genetically engineered foods is unknown.
There is no basis for meaningful risk assessment.
There is no recovery plan in case of disaster.
It is not even clear who, if anyone, will be legally liable for negative consequences.

There is no consensus among scientists on the safety or on the risks associated with genetic engineering in agriculture. The international community is deeply divided on the issue. The claim to safety is a marketing slogan. It has no scientific basis.

The claims for genetic engineering are overblown and misleading.

Genetic Engineering: The Ugly Side Share

2010-03-16T15:27:00.000-04:00

What is Genetic Engineering?

Genetic engineering is a laboratory technique used by scientists to change the DNA of living organisms.

DNA is the blueprint for the individuality of an organism. The organism relies upon the information stored in its DNA for the management of every biochemical process. The life, growth and unique features of the organism depend on its DNA. The segments of DNA which have been associated with specific features or functions of an organism are called genes.

Molecular biologists have discovered many enzymes which change the structure of DNA in living organisms. Some of these enzymes can cut and join strands of DNA. Using such enzymes, scientists learned to cut specific genes from DNA and to build customized DNA using these genes. They also learned about vectors, strands of DNA such as viruses, which can infect a cell and insert themselves into its DNA.

With this knowledge, scientists started to build vectors which incorporated genes of their choosing and used the new vectors to insert these genes into the DNA of living organisms. Genetic engineers believe they can improve the foods we eat by doing this. For example, tomatoes are sensitive to frost. This shortens their growing season. Fish, on the other hand, survive in very cold water. Scientists identified a particular gene which enables a flounder to resist cold and used the technology of genetic engineering to insert this 'anti-freeze' gene into a tomato. This makes it possible to extend the growing season of the tomato.

At first glance, this might look exciting to some people. Deeper consideration reveals serious dangers.

What are the Dangers?

Fundamental Weaknesses of the Concept

Imprecise Technology—A genetic engineer moves genes from one organism to another. A gene can be cut precisely from the DNA of an organism, but the insertion into the DNA of the target organism is basically random. As a consequence, there is a risk that it may disrupt the functioning of other genes essential to the life of that organism. (Bergelson 1998)
Side Effects—Genetic engineering is like performing heart surgery with a shovel. Scientists do not yet understand living systems completely enough to perform DNA surgery without creating mutations which could be harmful to the environment and our health. They are experimenting with very delicate, yet powerful forces of nature, without full knowledge of the repercussions. (Washington Times 1997, The Village Voice 1998)
Widespread Crop Failure—Genetic engineers intend to profit by patenting genetically engineered seeds. This means that, when a farmer plants genetically engineered seeds, all the seeds have identical genetic structure. As a result, if a fungus, a virus, or a pest develops which can attack this particular crop, there could be widespread crop failure. (Robinson 1996)
Threatens Our Entire Food Supply—Insects, birds, and wind can carry genetically altered seeds into neighboring fields and beyond. Pollen from transgenic plants can cross-pollinate with genetically natural crops and wild relatives. All crops, organic and non-organic, are vulnerable to contamination from cross-pollinatation. (Emberlin et al 1999)

Health Hazards

No Long-Term Safety Testing—Genetic engineering uses material from organisms that have never been part of the human food supply to change the fundamental nature of the food we eat. Without long-term testing no one knows if these foods are safe.
Toxins—Genetic engineering can cause unexpected mutations in an organism, which can create new and higher levels of toxins in foods. (Inose 1995, Mayeno 1994)
Allergic Reactions—Genetic engineering can also produce unforeseen and unknown allergens in foods. (Nordlee 1996)
Decreased Nutritional Value—Transgenic foods may mislead consumers with counterfeit freshness. A luscious-looking, bright red genetically engineered tomato could be several weeks old and of little nutritional worth.
Antibiotic Resistant Bacteria—Genetic engineers use antibiotic-resistance genes to mark genetically engineered cells. This means that genetically engineered crops contain genes which confer resistance to antibiotics. These genes may be picked up by bacteria which may infect us. (New Scientist 1999)
Problems Cannot Be Traced—Without labels, our public health agencies are powerless to trace problems of any kind back to their source. The potential for tragedy is staggering.
Side Effects can Kill—37 people died, 1500 were partially paralyzed, and 5000 more were temporarily disabled by a syndrome that was finally linked to tryptophan made by genetically-engineered bacteria. (Mayeno 1994)

Environmental Hazards

Increased use of Herbicides—Scientists estimate that plants genetically engineered to be herbicide-resistant will greatly increase the amount of herbicide use. (Benbrook 1999) Farmers, knowing that their crops can tolerate the herbicides, will use them more liberally.
More Pesticides—GE crops often manufacture their own pesticides and may be classified as pesticides by the EPA. This strategy will put more pesticides into our food and fields than ever before.
Ecology may be damaged—The influence of a genetically engineered organism on the food chain may damage the local ecology. The new organism may compete successfully with wild relatives, causing unforeseen changes in the environment. (Metz 1997)
Gene Pollution Cannot Be Cleaned Up—Once genetically engineered organisms, bacteria and viruses are released into the environment it is impossible to contain or recall them. Unlike chemical or nuclear contamination, negative effects are irreversible.

DNA is actually not well understood. 97% of human DNA is called "junk" because scientists do not know its function. The workings of a single cell are so complex, no one knows the whole of it. (San Diego Union-Tribune 2000) Yet the biotech companies have already planted millions of acres with genetically engineered crops, and they intend to engineer every crop in the world.

The concerns above arise from an appreciation of the fundamental role DNA plays in life, the gaps in our understanding of it, and the vast scale of application of the little we do know. Even the scientists in the Food and Drug administration have expressed concerns. (Alliance for Biointegrity)

Some Favorite Quotes From Anita Blake, Vampire Slayer

2010-03-07T09:44:00.001-05:00

"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside a dog, it's too dark to read."

"I talk to myself everyone once in a while. Give myself very good advice. Sometimes I even take it."

"Stupidity isn't punishable by death. If it was, there would be a hell of a population drop."

"Sometimes bravery and stupidity are almost interchangeable."

Reflections on Being Terminated and Chapter 1 of "The Spark"

2010-01-13T11:26:00.001-05:00

What a week it has been. I developed a raging sinus infection, stemmed from an upper respiratory infection. My doctor put me on antibiotics and, since our high temperatures were in the teens, she wanted me to stay home for a couple of days to allow the antibiotics to work and for me to begin to get better; she gave me a note to stay out of work for two days.

The very next day, after my doctor visit and following her instructions to stay home, I received an EMAIL letter from my boss stating that since I was sick and had "excessive absences," my "services are no longer needed." Huh? First of all, I was following doctor's orders, second of all, excessive absences? Um, every time I have been absent, if I were sick, I had a doctor's note, or it was an approved doctor's appointment, or approved vacation and/or time off. There had been no previous discussions regarding my absences, time off, etc. no warnings, nothing. And, my absences have not been any where near those of his niece and daughter-in-law, who are allowed to take off during the work day to go shopping or they take off when ever they want. Nepotism does have its advantages.

Not that I did not see this coming.... I knew from observing previous employees who received the same treatment as I have that his behavior toward me fit his pattern. I also knew that from the treatment I had been receiving from other co-workers, being ostracized, etc. that my time was limited. When he wants someone out of the firm, nothing they do is ever good enough, right, etc., every letter, document, work product is a piece of crap, just like the person who wrote it, and they are talked about horribly, many times right in front of them as if they are not even there.

I still have not heard from him or anyone else at the office, other than the letter I received in the email. What a little coward. After three years of putting up with his abusive crap, I would have thought I would deserve a little more courtesy and respect that just to be terminated by EMAIL. This does show that he does not have the courage to face me, look me in the eyes and tell me himself that my "services are no longer needed." For all of his posturing, empty, exaggerated pontifications, underneath it all, he is a coward.

However, I did finish reading Chapter 1 of "The Spark" last night. Perhaps this is finally the time for me to "spark into action" and finally be able to work at home. My fiancé' is being very supportive of me, once he got beyond his own anger (so he says, but I can still hear it in his voice) over the way I have been treated. But, to figure out how to generate to income is the trick.

Because of the statements in the letter of termination, I do not know if I will be able to draw unemployment. If the boss screws me on that, I am really in a bind. I need that income right now. But, at the same time, worrying about something that may or may not be will not get me anywhere, either.

I do have an opportunity to work for a call-center out of my home, but the pay is minimum wage, hardly enough for my financial obligations, but it is income. On the plus side, it is a start at working at home.

I started writing a book of my own a year or so ago, but never finished it. It is a training course for natural remedies, herbal medicine, health and healing that I had planned to offer for sale on the internet. This has always been a passion of mine. I only have a few more chapters to go on the initial draft. Time to dust that off and finish it.

And then there is all the junk I have had stored to put on eBay to sell, but never did that, either. I have always wanted to have an eBay Store....

Now I no longer have the excuse of lack of time for exercise and cooking healthy meals, either....

My thoughts and ideas are all over the place. I am looking forward to Chapter 2 of "The Spark" concentrating on Focus, which I obviously need.

This is the beginning of an entirely new journey for me, in more ways than one. This is obviously my time to "spark into action" .....

Employee Favoritism and Nepotism - Employee Morale Cancer by Chris Young

2009-12-29T09:13:00.003-05:00

My first professional "brush" with employee favoritism and nepotism was through my first job after graduate school. I was naive. I had dreamed of becoming a commodity trader for years. When I received a good job offer, my wife and I packed our bags and optimistically moved west.

My first assignment was in a small trading office of four traders including the manager. I quickly learned the office politics. The manager had managed that office for 10 years and was accomplished. I had heard stories about his strategic shrewdness and creativity. What I had not heard about was how he played favorites.

After a day or two, I quickly realized the number one trader (under the manager) really was not particularly bright. He was actually not bright at all. His performance on a good day was perhaps average. I was puzzled as to why he was treated so well by the manager and held in such high regard. Within a couple of weeks, I had it figured out. The number one trader's family had a vineyard and thousands of acres of land AND he went to the same college as the manager. The manager and the number one trader also both happened to be huge lovers of wine, partying, and golf. At the time I was not. I was not in the club. I did not want to be a part of the club. I wanted to do my job and go home.

The "who mattered more than the what".

What happened? In a word... Stress. I wanted to advance my career but was hindered until I created a marketing plan that caught the eye of the regional VP. Then I was in the club - not my manager's but the regional VP's club.

I had to perform at a level that overcame the favoritism (a form of nepotism) in the office.

The result... I quickly lost respect for this manager. I was there in body - but not in spirit. I did not care about the manager personally and did nothing to help him professionally. I did everything to help the regional VP look good strategically and was promoted as a result of my performance.

Do you have a similar story? How did you feel? What did you do? Drop me a line...

Over the years I have seen a "business cancer" that seriously erodes the competitive position of a company or at worst - literally destroys the potential of companies. That "business cancer" is, without a doubt, nepotism and favoritism.

Wikipedia describes nepotism as:

Nepotism is the showing of favoritism toward relatives and friends, based upon that relationship, rather than on an objective evaluation of ability, meritocracy or suitability.

The shocker... I have seen nepotism work - in a couple of instances. I actually have a long-term Client who makes nepotism work by holding relatives to a much higher standard then the rest of the team. This is far from the norm! The result for this particular organization is higher performance - but this example is an exception. This Client is a leadership accountability example of excellence that I wish I could transfer to others. This manager demands performance from everyone! The relatives on the team all know that they must meet and rise above the standard set for all team members. I can honestly say that it takes a while for new hires to realize that there are relatives on the team. In effect... Nepotism does not exist on this high accountability leader's team.

To be clear... Every organization has some form of nepotism. The reality is that nepotism goes far beyond the hiring and favoritism of family members. There are other forms of nepotism that are just as debilitating (if not more so) as the traditional "relative nepotism".

The obvious forms of nepotism follow:

Relative Nepotism - This one is obvious. Relative nepotism is one of the most insideous forms. After all - fire a relative and Thanksgiving will be a major pain.
Friend Nepotism - This one is relatively obvious. The boss is good friends with some employees and not-so-good friends with others. This type of nepotism is a real morale killer because it is so blatantly unfair to the "not-so-good friends" of the boss.

I am not as concerned about family members working in the same organization as I am about managers playing favorites. Why? Most organizations have anti-family nepotism policy. Therefore relative nepotism is not nearly as frequent an occurance as playing favorites. "Playing favorites" is simply the act of providing preferred attention, incentive, opportunity, and assignments that is out of alignment with employee performance. In other words, the nepotism I see in "playing favorites" is simply the act of giving someone who is "in the club" better treatment and consideration that is in excess of their performance.

In all of my years of advising Clients on how to Maximize Performance, I have seen nepotism destroy more value than one can ever possibly imagine. I have seen managers play favorites without regard to who the real performers are and the negative impact emotionally their politics are destroying.

The key to countering the negative effects of nepotism is accountability. Unfortunately... Personal and employee accountability is a rare animal these days.

When one thinks of nepotism, the natural obvious thought process is the hiring of friends and relatives into key positions. I want to further "expand" the definition of nepotism to include other forms that are less commonly thought of, yet just as dangerous - if not more so.

The hidden or "less obvious" but quite dangerous forms of nepotism (including favoritism) include:

Connection Nepotism - By virtue of a shared experience such as attending the same high school (not necessarily at the same time), the "connection nepotism" turns a blind eye to poor Job Fit and Low Employee Performance. The connection may be by virtue of being from the same community, attended the same high school, members of the same fraternity/sorority, interest in the same sports team, and/or served in the same branch of the armed forces. A really powerful example of Connection Nepotism is where a manager of a team told everyone who was listening (and they were) that a particular team member received preferred treatment because that team member and the manager began their employment at about the same time. They were "connected". Needless to say, employee morale on this team is not particularly good.
Contribution Nepotism - Perhaps you have seen this form of nepotism. A good example is a sales person who three years ago, landed a big account that made the organization much more successful as well as a big commission for the sales person. Three things happen... One - The sales person lives off of the big commission for life. Two - Management feels a sense of gratitude and obligation to the sales person and therefore does not punish current or future poor performance because of past "contributions". Three - Management promotes the sales person to a higher position as a "reward" - creating the Peter Principle.
Referral Nepotism - What might you do when you are short-staffed and trying to plug your talent "holes"? That is right... Ask your high performers if they know someone looking for a job. This is a natural employee hiring strategy. After all... Birds-of-a-feather-flock-together. Right? Not necessarily! The problem is that what makes your high performer a high performer may be the exact missing "ingredient" that their best friend needs most. Hire the low performer who is attached to a high performer through friendship. Then try to terminate the low performer friend at the peril of upsetting your high performer. Fun...
"They were with us through thick and thin" Nepotism - This form of nepotism is particularly perverse. A team member who has been with the company since it started 15 years ago can wreak a lot of havoc if they are poor performers. The havoc comes from new performers who realize the "lifer" is "special" and is not being held to the same employee accountability standard that they are. The next question new hires has is, "Why am I not special." The downward spiral begins - employee morale goes into the tank.
"Credential Nepotism" - This form of nepotism is often hidden but dangerous. Ever seen someone get more credit than they deserve because they have a certification? I have. When people are given more credit because they attended a class and passed it but cannot apply what they learned - we call that "Credential Nepotism". Caution... Acronyms flying around! Examples... B.S., B.A., Phd, PHR, SPHR, MA, MS, and many more...
Favoritism - All of the above forms of nepotism result in a hideous employee morale killer called "favoritism". Like drugs - just do not do it. Say, "no", to favoritism.

One may think the recipient of preferential treatment would be quite happy. Actually - not always... Go into any organization and ask a team member if the boss has a favorite team member who does not perform like a star. Everyone knows who the favorites are. Those "favorite" people are "branded" (nepotism branding) as beneficiaries of nepotism. This is particularly the case where high performers identify that performance does not get you to the top but instead, being "in the club". Nepotism Branding is the effect that results from everyone recognizing the favored team member is in such good stead that is "too good to be true". The end result is lost credibility for the manager and the nepotism team member alike as others on the team nod knowingly that the nepotism team member has special privileges and really is not "one of us" in terms of performance standards and expectations.

The negative "benefits" of employee favoritism and nepotism are many and potentially include a combination of the following:

Low Personal Accountability - Why perform if your performance will get you nowhere?
Low Employee Accountability - Why do what it takes if others will not?
Low Productivity - Why put in the effort if it will not be recognized?
Poor Employee Morale - Why is life unfair around here?
Low Trust Relationships - Why trust the boss if they are not impartial and play favorites?
Diminished Customer Experiences - Disengaged employees create disengaged Customers.
High Performer Turnover - High performers bail for greener pastures of fairness.

Five things you can do to diminsh the potential for favoritism and nepotism in your workplace.

Create and strictly adhere to a "No Nepotism" policy.
Create employee scorecards with an objective scoring mechanism and hold all team members accountable.
Consciously consider and root out the potential for the "less obvious" forms of nepotism in your team and organization.
As part of a periodic employee engagement survey, ask the nepotism question - "Do you feel that nepotism is a problem in our work place?" Be sure to share the forms I listed above. Address the concerned areas proactively - not reactively.
As a manager, go out of your way to not play favorites. If you have managers under you, make sure they are not playing favorites.

If you want to improve employee morale and improve productivity in your workplace, reduce employee favoritism and nepotism.

Chris Young helps organizations Maximize Possibility through talent management, cultural transformation, and strategic intervention. Bring Chris in today! 1-866-988-RAIN

The Week After Christmas

2009-12-15T16:56:00.000-05:00

'Twas the week after Christmas, and all through the house
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.

The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd taste
At the holiday parties had gone to my waist.

When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).

I'd remember the marvelous meals I'd prepared;
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,

The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese
And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please."

As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt---

I said to myself, as I only can
"You can't spend a winter disguised as a man!"

So--away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip

Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
"Till all the additional ounces have vanished.

I won't have a cookie--not even a lick.
I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick.

I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie,
I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.

I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore---
But isn't that what January is for?

Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!

ASTROLOGY AT POOH CORNER

2009-10-31T13:06:00.000-04:00

Winnie the Pooh is a Cancer. He worries a lot, saying "Oh, bother!", and is very reassuring/motherin g to Piglet. Pooh spends most of his time contemplating food, owing to his very soft, moon like shape.

Eeyore is Piscean. He is a Piscean blue color, and he tends to be quite paranoid. He enjoys the solitude of his house, and though he sees no need for lots of friends, he has a very sensitive, perceptive spirit. It is common to find Eeyore out on a ridge overlooking the 100 acre wood, contemplating life's mysteries in true Piscean fashion.

Piglet is Virgoan. He is terribly worrisome, and nervous. He is overly helpful, and very precise and neat in his service. His pinkness is indicative of the new, virginal, feminine qualities he embodies, and his quiet, carefully measured voice marks him as a clear Virgo.

Owl is a Sagittarian. He is an intellectual, and prefers the company of a book to that of his friends. He is considered a great source of advice, and for listening to problems. Owl also has no trouble speaking his mind - he is blunt to a fault - and has a sense of humor that is considered odd among his friends. He also is endowed with a great Sagittarian love of storytelling, and can wax poetic for hours about his genealogy.

Rabbit is Taurean. He is very conservative, and feels his best when he is putting his claws into the earth, his garden, and getting his paws dirty. He hates wildness and disorder as a general rule (such as his dislike for Tigger), and will stubbornly try to change those traits which he dislikes in others to suit his tastes. Rabbit also appreciates fine things, such as art, furniture, and his well-kept house, all Venus ruled Taurean traits.

Kanga is also a Cancerian. She's the archetypical mother of the show, tending to Roo, baking, cooking, hanging out laundry, housecleaning, etc.

Roo is a Gemini. He represents the eternal child, and has two distinct personalities. On one hand, he is very cautious and gentile, especially around his mother and Piglet. But when coupled with his best friend Tigger, he becomes loud, anxious, and adventurous.

Kessie (a new character) is an Aquarian. She is a light blue bird with a lovely voice. Flight, the color aqua, and heavenly song are all Aquarian traits. She alternates between being very sociable and terribly withdrawn. She is also usually the first among the group to have new ideas, or try new things.

Christopher Robin is a Gemini as well. He is another perpetual child, and his Gemini tongue is very critical of others, such as when he says of Pooh, "silly ole bear". It is also his colorful Gemini imagination that brings his toys and the 100 acre wood to life.

Tigger is clearly a Fire Sign, though which one is not clear. He could well be a Leo, as he is extremely bossy, and has a terribly self-centered way of looking at the world. "I'm the only one!" he says in the song. The fact that Tigger is a big flame-colored cat also supports the argument for his Leo nature. Tigger could be a Sagittarian, as he is quite clumsy, and he does have the archer's trait of being in love with his own voice. However, he does not have the intellectual drive of a Sagittarian. Tigger is most likely an Aries. He has a very short temper. Tigger can get mad, but like a typical Aries, he never stays mad for very long. Arians like Tigger are generally good-humored and smiley folk. Arians also tend to go where angels fear to tread. Tigger's "bouncy, rubbery, fun-fun-fun" sense of adventure is very Arian.

The Dark Pagan's Rede

2009-10-31T12:52:00.000-04:00

~ Dubh Paganach Rede ~ Sgathan "Shadow Witches" Rede

For those who walk a shadowed path for whatever reason because it is a path in your soul that calls too you, a particular goddess of dark paganism that calls too you or who you are, Trust your heart and follow what it speaks, as it will never be wrong.

We are Witches, We Are Ancients
Those that stand out amoung shadows
We are weavers, healers and shamans, and warriors
Judge and Jury
And This is our Creed.

Do not Offend, But Defend
Give your kin a house if they have no home
Remember in all forms are we the goddesses children in one way or another
She is the weaver, the threader and the cutter of Life
No matter what name she is called, she is the great mother, The All, The Source
Know the Great dance and the Spiral is never ending and your day's walk long, and most often someone will try and break your paths
But when the wolves tear at your heels, remember only the hardest paths are the paths worth Walking.

Life will not be without troubles, fights, hardships
And we are not witches too get nor gain
For that is but an empty path that leads too greed and the ruin of your soul.

We are the witches, singers, shamans, dreamers, weavers, healers and warriors of the wild winds, in the storms and in the fury of the storm and of Life.
Our knowledge is all knowing, yet we continue too learn things everyday, as is our right.

Treat your kin with as much respect as you wish too be treated and
you can not be lead astray.

Treasure everyday as it were your last, cherishing the beauty of all
life and all things.

Protect this rugged earth mother as best you can. Honor her.
Even if it is but a Rock, know that it too has its own spirit.
Life is everywhere, and magick can be breathed in as its purest essence.

Know as the Goddesses child, no matter what you call her she is always there beside you, inside you and with you. Believe this always and you will never be forsaken, even when there is a lesson too be learnt that she must teach you, even if that lesson whips you across the face, it has purpose and reason.

Keep your eyes and your ears open, and listen not only with the physical eye, but the astral ones, for their are signs in all things.In the wind, the rain, the sky and the deep earth.

Never look back on your past until you feel you are ready, and remember we have a long way too go.

There is Strength in the Darkness, In Shadows and also in The Light, And shadows can not exist without Perfect balance of Light and Dark.

We are the Children of Grey Magick, and its Power is Thine too Wield

A Blessing for Those Without Self-Worth

2009-10-31T12:47:00.001-04:00

You are worthy, you are good, you are bright, you are a blessing.
You are worthy in your skin and worthy in your hair.
You are worthy in your flesh and worthy in your bone.
You are worthy in your hands and worthy in your feet.
You are worthy in your mouth and worthy in your anus.
You are good in your heart and good in your belly.
You are good in your work and good in your play.
You are good in your relations and good in your alonenesses.
You are good in your beliefs and good in your skepticisms.
You are good in your ancestry and good in your progeny.

You are bright in your spirit and bright in your flesh.
You are bright in your emotions and bright in your thoughts.
You are bright in your dreams and bright in your waking.
You are bright in the desert and bright in the city.
You are bright among friends and bright among strangers.

You are a blessing to your parents and a blessing to your siblings.
You are a blessing to strangers and a blessing to friends.
You are a blessing in your home and a blessing on the street.
You are a blessing in your words and a blessing in your deeds.
You are a blessing in your work and a blessing in your play.

[place name here], you are worthy.
[place name here], you are good.
[place name here], you are bright.
[place name here], you are a blessing.
Mother make it, Lover witness it, I have said it, so mote it be.

You Did

2009-10-31T12:44:00.000-04:00

There have been situations in your life That you thought you would never get through. And yet, you did. There have been challenges you faced that you thought you would never overcome. And yet, you did.

There have been losses you've suffered! That you thought you would never be able to get beyond. And yet, you did.

For you are here today, stronger, wiser, more experienced and more knowledgeable as a result of it all. Though the road has had its rough spots, you've successfully made your way along it.

There will certainly be more rough spots ahead, and there may even be some particularly difficult ones right now. So it pays, every now and then, to look back and remember that even though you thought you wouldn't get through, you did.

And perhaps, if you think about it, you'll see that there's really never any reason to doubt yourself. For when life challenged you to make your way through, you did.

And now, even more importantly, you will...

Why Parents Drink

2009-10-31T12:28:00.000-04:00

A Mother passing by her son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to "Mom"

With the worst premonition she opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.

Dear Mom,:

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice. But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am.

But it's not only the passion...Mom she's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone.We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.

In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it.

Don't worry Mom. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.

Love,
Your Son Jon

P.S. Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my center desk drawer. I love you. Call me when it's safe to come home.

CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL THE KIDS WHO WERE BORN IN THE 1920's, 30's, 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's !!

2009-10-31T12:08:00.001-04:00

boy have times changed!?

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us and lived in houses made of asbestos.

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes or cervical cancer.

Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets or shoes, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking .

As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.

Riding in the back of a Ute on a warm day was always a special treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.

Take away food was limited to fish and chips, no pizza shops, McDonalds, KFC, Subway or Red Rooster.

Even though all the shops closed at 6.00pm and didn't open on the weekends, somehow we didn't starve to death!

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.

We could collect old drink bottles and cash them in at the corner store and buy fruit tingles and some crackers to blow up frogs with.

We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank soft drinks with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because......

WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. We built tree houses and cubby houses and played in creek beds with matchbox cars.

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, no video tape movies, no surround sound, no mobile phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms.......... WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no Lawsuits from these accidents .

Only girls had pierced ears!

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

You could only buy Easter Eggs and Hot Cross buns at Easter time.......no really!

We were given BB guns and sling shots for our 10th birthdays,

We drank milk laced with Strontium 90 from cows that had eaten grass covered in nuclear fallout from the atomic testing at Maralinga in 1956.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just yelled for them!

Mum didn't have to go to work to help dad make ends meet!

Footy had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!

Our teachers used to belt us with big sticks and leather staps and bullies always ruled the playground at school.

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!

Our parents got married before they had children and didn't invent stupid names for their kids like "Kiora" and "Blade"

This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever!

The past 70 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned

HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!

And YOU are one of them!

CONGRATULATIONS!

You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated our lives for our own good.

And while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave their parents were.

Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it?!

PS -The big type is because your eyes are shot at your age

Friendship, Lies and Public Records

2009-07-12T10:07:00.000-04:00

It is amazing how you think you know someone, have known them for years, only to discover that you really do not know them at all. But to discover the depth, depravity and the full extent of the lies was not something that I was quite prepared for.

Public records can be viewed by anyone. In my state under the Public Records Act, all public records can be accessed by any citizen, visitor or member of the news media who requests such access because the department's work is public business. However, personnel records are considered confidential with certain statutory exceptions. Unless there is a statute excluding a government document, public records must be made available to any citizen who asks. Under N.C. Constitution Article. I, § 18, there is a qualified right of public access to court records, at least in civil cases. North Carolina law provides a right of access to all court records, both civil and criminal, in both the general public records law, N.C.G.S. § 132-1, and a specific statute about court records, N.C.G.S. § 7A-109(a). The court records statute requires that all records be open to public inspection, except as prohibited by law. Some court records are specifically named in another statue as being public unless sealed by the court: "arrest and search warrants that have been returned by law enforcement agencies, indictments, criminal summons, and nontestimonial identification orders." N.C.G.S. § 132-1.4(k). You will likely not have access to certain documents, however, such as civil commitment materials, juvenile delinquency records, and information from child abuse or neglect cases.....

Okay, now that it should be perfectly clear that, by reading the Court file, I did absolutely nothing wrong, illegal, whatever you want to call it. Public records are public records, and, scary as it may be, I am part of the public.....

Someone that I have known for years, decided to make the debacle of their love life public record and a Plaintiff. In defense, the other party submitted an Affidavit, by and through Counsel, of events and actions as they experienced the relationship from the Defendant’s point of view. I already had the story of the Plaintiff, and I had been encouraging the Plaintiff to get on with their life. If someone is not willing to uphold and maintain a relationship, the other person should just back off and let it go. But, no, the Plaintiff just could not and would not do this. I knew the Plaintiff was going to great lengths to hold on to a relationship that had long ago ended, but until I read the Affidavit of the Defendant, I had no idea just how hard the Plaintiff was pursuing the Defendant.....

Prior to the Defendant filing the Affidavit, I contacted the Defendant because I wanted that side of the story so I could discern from both sides exactly what was transpiring, simply because the Plaintiff was spinning so many wild stories regarding the Defendant, not only did I feel an obligation to discern the truth, but since the Defendant had moved half way across the country, the Defendant was/is virtually defenseless as to what is taking place here.....

The Defendant told me things that were hard to refute, based on what I have known the Plaintiff to do and has done over the course of the many years I have known the Plaintiff. As the Plaintiff’s tales began to unwind and it became clear that the Plaintiff is the one who is attempting to use the law to further harass the Defendant. It also became crystal clear why the Defendant moved half way across the country to get away from the Plaintiff. God only knows what the Plaintiff would have done if the Defendant had stayed in the same town. The Defendant’s life would have been unbearable, to say the very least. I do wish it had been possible for the Defendant to stay, as the Defendant has shown me that the Defendant is a great person, funny, smart, and a friend that I truly miss, but am glad we can stay in touch over the distance. The Defendant only wants the Plaintiff to leave the Defendant alone… ....

It really pissed me off. When I made attempts to talk to the Plaintiff about what I had discovered through talking to the Defendant, the Plaintiff spun tales to me of how the Plaintiff has realized it is time to move on, leave the Defendant alone, the Plaintiff was not going to do anything further to the Defendant in an attempt to discredit and cause hardship, blah, blah, blah; I believed it and told the Defendant what the Plaintiff had relayed to me in an effort to ease the mind of the Defendant.....

To my surprise, I received a message from the Defendant the very next day stating the Plaintiff had instituted a domestic violence action against the Defendant. Whoa. WTF…. The Plaintiff out-right lied to me.....

Fast forward now to the Defendant’s Affidavit… while the Defendant had told me a lot of what the Defendant had been going through during the course of the relationship with the Plaintiff and even after the attempts to break up with the Plaintiff, the Affidavit told many other things I did not know; what the Plaintiff had done to the Defendant’s friends, and to the Defendant. I was absolutely stunned. While I knew the Plaintiff to be capable of many things, I never knew the Plaintiff would actually be so cruel, heartless and vindictive. But knowing the Plaintiff, and now the Defendant, as I do, I knew what I read was true. I was and am heartbroken, not just from knowing how the Plaintiff lied to me and almost drew me into the web of deceit and destruction of the Defendant’s life, but for the Defendant. No one should ever have to go through anything like the Defendant has, which actually further endeared the Defendant to me; knowing what the Defendant had really been through and that the Defendant had even tried to work things out repeatedly with the Plaintiff, spoke of the upstanding and valiant nature of the Defendant. The Defendant is the true hero in all of this.....

I confronted the Plaintiff with the knowledge of what was in the Court file and that the case had been dismissed…. According to the Judge “our local authorities have enough problems enforcing the legitimate domestic violence cases here” he was not even going to listen to this one since the Defendant was half way across the country. Thus the law suit was dismissed. The attorneys for both the Plaintiff and Defendant talked to the Plaintiff about a consent order between the Plaintiff and Defendant, giving the Plaintiff virtually everything the Plaintiff was seeking from the Defendant; however, the Plaintiff refused to sign such an order to both attorneys. The Plaintiff acted as if they had no idea what I was talking about.....

To this day, the Plaintiff still insists they have no idea what I am talking about when I bring up the consent order or even what the Defendant had in the Affidavit; even when I have flat out said “I read the entire court file.” The Plaintiff “has no idea” what I am talking about.....

I do not need people in my life that will lie not only to the authorities, but to me, as the Plaintiff has done and continues to do. Nor do I need someone like the Plaintiff in my life that will attempt to harass, harm, demean, manipulate, and be so vindictive toward anyone, not just the Defendant. If the Plaintiff will do this to someone of good character as the Defendant, the Plaintiff would do it to anyone, I do not want to be around such a person, nor do I want such a person in my life. When I told this to the Plaintiff, the Plaintiff still insists they have no clue what I am talking about. How sad for them. Perhaps one day, the Plaintiff will get a taste of their own medicine before the Plaintiff attempts to ruin someone else’s life.....

Sadly, the Plaintiff is still pursuing the vendetta against the Defendant for reasons unknown and still pretends to have no clue what I am talking about. The Plaintiff needs some serious psychological help.....

Cheers to you my friend, the Defendant. You are a better person than I am. I do not honestly know if I could take the high road as you have. You are truly a good person and worthy of someone wonderful in your life. I hope you find that person and best wishes in your new life half way across the country. I miss you, my friend.....

Celebrity Collage by MyHeritage

2009-04-22T12:07:00.001-04:00

MyHeritage: Family tree - Genealogy - Celebrity - Collage - Morph

Are You Married?

2009-04-06T09:58:00.003-04:00

Wow. Such a simple question. Why is it that seems to be a question that is so hard for people to answer truthfully?

I met someone and we went out after work for a couple of drinks and then dinner. I flat out asked, "Are you married?" He told me he had been divorced for several years. Now, this guy knows I am a paralegal with access to Court records. We had a nice dinner, I went my way, he went his. However, something just did not ring true in his words of "divorce." He owns his own company with a nice website. Curiously, there is a woman listed on his site that has the same last name as his. So, I figured it would be in my own best interest to take a peek at the Court records for his county. Guess what? No records of even so much as a Separation Agreement, let alone a Divorce Decree any where. And to top it all off, the tax and property records so that he is in fact married; and, the woman in his office with the same last name? Yep! The wife.

And then there is the one I met the very night I ran the Court checks on the first guy. I was out at my local hang out just blowing off some steam and the stress of the week. Really cute guy sat beside me at the bar, and we were chatting. Again, I flat out asked, "Are you married?" Of course, he said no. But as the evening progressed and as we talked, he finally admitted that he is married, but he and his wife are separated and just waiting on the time to run and formalities of the Court for the divorce to be final. And you guessed it. I'm going to make a trip up to the Courthouse and check records.

Not that I would ever date a married man; however, by these men lying about it in the first place, it takes away MY choices of what I want to do. Yes, I would turn them down because they are married. But by lying to me, if I pursue any type of relationship with someone who is married (and I do not know it), the relationship is doomed to failure. Not just because the man is married, but simply because the beginning of the relationship would be based on a lie. And then there comes the time of truth when I do discover I was in fact lied to. You can bet your last dollar I will be very angry and, yep, end the relationship immediately; no questions asked, no second chances, blah blah blah.....

Do not lie to me, especially when it comes to a direct question such as, "Are you married?" The truth is always the better way to go on that question. And if you are so unhappy and unsatisfied in your marriage that you are looking else where for a fling or what ever, do your spouse a favor and leave them. More damage will be caused in the long run with lying and sneaking around with someone else that it would be to just tell your spouse that it is just no longer working....